Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
