I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
