Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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