he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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