this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am one with the molecules
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
