That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
