At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
