You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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