if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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