I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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