I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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