No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is an emotional support booty call
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
