they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
