No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
