i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
