He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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