Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
