my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
