Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
