I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
