Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
