I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
