I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize