Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
