Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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