nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
