Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
