Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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