Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
