Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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