I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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