I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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