adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
