He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
