There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
