We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
