Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
