I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
