I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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