yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
