i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
