Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
