i permit you to call me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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