just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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