i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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