Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
