is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
