Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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