1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
someone owes me an orgasm
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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