If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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