Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
