I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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