but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
