You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I love you. Go after that dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
