Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
