What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
