You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
