I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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